I waited patiently for the Lord to help me,
and he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire.
He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along.
He has given me a new song to sing, a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see what he has done and be amazed. They will put their trust in the Lord
Oh,
the joys of those who trust the
Lord!
Yippee! I discovered the Tightwad Gazette late in life. Too late to actually get the newsletter. But I read all the books and in true tightwad fashion, I didn't pay a penny for them. I got the first one that hooked and roped me in from my dear friend Adele. She was playing cleansweep at her old abode and I was the beneficiary of the book #1. Then I went in search for 2 and 3. And checked them out of my local library and read and made notes almost immediately. I longed for more, but Ms. Amy D had retired.
Well, my mom just recently found the family who picked up the torch. The Economides family! You guys would really be missing out if you didn't check there website out. www.homeeconomiser.com This family really works hard to be dubbed The Cheapest Family in America. Apparently, I'm way behind cause they've been feature on television several times even recently, but we rarely watch it during the day. I'm very tempted to buy the book used and/or split a subscription to the newsletter. Might make a really great valentine's day present!
Anywho...that's just a heads up to all you who check in on this periodically. Gotta go get ready for dinner with the SS class!
So, I was scolded for not having blogged in a while. I've learned my lesson and now I'm back. Do you need an explanation or an excuse? OK well here's the short version. I haven't really had 
anything interesting to say. AND there was the whole getting a new computer thing that set us back. AND my husband seems to have taken up permanent residence at the computer. He's asleep now, so I have my chance.
I have been working on thriving, and I must say it seems I might be good at it (with help of course). I have a friend! And I have the possibility of many more friends, real opportunity. In fact, we've already begun the relationship building process. Jason and I are going over to a couples house in our SS class next week for dinner. I am involved in a Mom to Mom group which I feared might be slightly cheesy and super baptisty, but I have found it to be essential to my spiritual, emotional, and parental health. I have only been two or three times, and already I have learned and been challenged so much!
I'm singing in the choir and loving every minute of it! And we are starting dinner groups in our enormous SS class next month! This church and what God is doing here is amazing! And I'm so glad we're in the middle of it. I'm even studying God's word on a regular basis, which is a challenge for someone with a toddler and sleeping problems, but it really hasn't been difficult at all. And I miss it when I have forgotten or don't wake up in time. Now we just need to pray for Jason...
He needs a job. He has a lot of possibilities, but no job. This is new to him and it seems he is easily discouraged.
I know what it feels like to be in a new city and have no real friends or a job where he could make friends. Then there's the man thing where they find a lot of their self worth in being able to provide. And so far, we have wanted for NOTHING. Don't ask me how, cause my only answer would be God. Not just a job though, I pray for him and uplifted spirit. One that is not hesitant to reach out to new people in order to build the relationship. One that shows determination and perseverance in putting himself out there to find a job. I hear cynicism and/or bitterness, maybe even resentment in his voice sometimes when he talks about "friends" or a "job". So, I just ask that ya'll pray for him with me. I don't want him to be where I was just a few months ago!
Mercy is tremendous! We marvel over her daily! She is super smart! She speaks in sentences very clearly for the most part! Of course not everything she says is a sentence, but she uses them fairly often. She says "watch a movie", yesterday she said "make you
feel better", and she sings more than before. She knows more songs than I thought she did! I'm going to post some pics soon cause Jason uploaded them.
Well, just the last few things. I gave my resume to a church just for clerical work a few hours a week. Don't know how that should go, but I'm hoping God will open and close those doors for me. I've been invited to a women's bible study in the homes of some of the younger minister's wives in the church. I'm not usually a workbook bible study kind of gal, but Jason encouraged me to try it and see. I am trying out for the Soprano part in a classical easter performance of the 7 Last words of Christ. Haven't much done the classical thing in a while, so we'll see. And last but not
least, I am exploring taking community Spanish communication classes. I really hope the latter works out.
OK. I will try not to be gone so long next time. Gotta get Mercy and Jason up so we can go to Janet's for BOGO breakfast today.
Christmas,
for us, lasted many days...at least three to be closer to exact. Maybe four. We did pre-Christmas at the Young's homestead. It was a very fun visit though we saw entirely too little of John, Connie, and Brooke. Hopefully, we'll make it down for Brooke's dedication at the end of January. Spending the night made the most of our time spent on such a short visit.
Mercy thoroughly enjoyed herself! She definitely came away with the most presents! We decided that since there is no way around "Santa", Mercy would understand that Santa was a servant of God's delivering gifts for Jesus' birthday. It's worked out pretty well. Jesus gives presents instead of gets presents for His birthday...of course we all know that Jesus, himself, was the best gift of all!
Christmas day was celebrated at our own house by our own little family! Mercy and I wore our pajamas almost all day! Fabulous! Except for the back pain I had all day, it was extremely relaxing. Mercy's "big" gift was a kitchen! We had to hide her Dora car she got at the Young Christmas extravaganza, so she would open her other gifts. 
Her kitchen is the same as the one I had when I was a kid. I got it and all its accessories at garage sales this summer and spent about $30. I had to touch up the burner stickers with sharpies. She loves it though! Now every morning she spies it and wants to play with her "chicken"...sometimes it's kitchen and other times it's chicken. So Mercy got a "chicken" for Christmas! We all got a lot of movies and TV shows series. It was fantastic, but family and remembering and celebrating the gift of Jesus was the best of all.
Mercy says it's time to go home and go night night...so...more later
.
Mercy is going at this talking thing with tenacity! Today she said 5 new words...lets see if I can remember them all. The first one was "Penny," then she said that my hair was "wet," she identified the "Nutcracker" in her new baby einstein video...oh well, I wracked my brain for the other two, but can't identify them precisely at this time. She made a sentence at the table, "More. More bean beans!" Green beans...she loves them. Oh! She said, "Corn" while trying her first corn dog. She kinda liked it, but preferred the hot dog portion. She's also been singing and asking mommy to sing lately. She recognizes "Jingle Ba"--jingle bells--almost immediately even without the words. That's exciting to me a musician. That means she's got the whole tonal recognition thing working for her. She also likes "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star." She knows many of the words and kinda understands that they come in a certain order. She'll say, "Tinkle Tinkle Star...Howawa...Up abub...Tinkle Tinkle Star." All while dancing. We have got to get all this on video, but it's often so spontaneous. Man I love having a little one around!
Jason and I just got back today from our Mountain escape to "The Solitary Place." We needed to get away and just "be" and to celebrate our 5 year anniversary...so we did. It was a mere 40 minute drive from our house, and cost us next to nothing! We enjoyed the most amazing scenery of mountains and lakes and waterfalls. We saw deer tracks and raccoon tracks. Jason tried to fish, but with no luck. We made a fire every night and vegged out, watching dvd's and reading. We drove into
Hendersonville, NC and walked around and enjoyed that a bit, but we will have to go again seeing as I got the stomach flu in the middle of that exploration. It came and went quickly though, so all is well. I slaved over a dinner the first night and was disappointed! Ha! That's the last time I spend more than 2 hours cooking anything other than something in a crock pot!
We didn't do a whole lot of "celebrating" if you will. We forgot to bring our wedding video. We were going to watch it. I was going to make us a cake and then realized that there was no mixer, so I couldn't do the icing. Still we celebrated in our own ways...
Talk about solitude...there is no cell service there, no cable outside of one channel, no computer access...just you and the fire, nature, and quietness. It was great! we didn't want to leave. Truly! we wanted to stay and somehow make it our own. And maybe one day that dream can come true. I just appreciated the opportunity to be reminded of the awesomeness of my God and Creator! I didn't think I could be quite so moved by nature, but I've been missing it in my spirit somehow. And how I appreciate it more these days!
Well, it's way past time for me to nod off. The whisling of the train as it passes not far from here is reminding me that it's time to climb in bed and get comfortable. Don't ask why. those of you who really know me have heard that for reasons that I don't know or maybe can't remember, the sound of trains is deeply comforting to me. Thank you, Lord, that you didn't leave that out when you relocated us here to Greenville. There are trains everywhere! Goodnight to all!
So, I haven't blogged in a REALLY long time! There are reasons. We moved! I know...I gave no real warning, but Jason wanted it that way because of his work situation. We moved to Greer (a suburb of Greenville) South Carolina on Nov. 21st. It's been an adjustment and no we are not technically settled, but already we have made friends, been to a sunday school Christmas party, sang in a Christmas Choir performance...
Life here is different! I'm not really sure how Jason is adjusting. He's actually only been here for about 5 days. I love the atmosphere. It seems small, but it really isn't. We can see Paris Mountain from our oversized living room window. And the sunset everyday is immaculate! We are renting a 2 bedroom, 1 bath home with a huge back yard, a screened in side porch, and a circular driveway that wraps around the back of the house. It is probably more than 60 years old and was built by our landlord's parents. Believe me when I say they don't build things the way they used to. This place is solid through and through. They have done such an exceptional job at keeping this place up. It is truly a blessing!
Our landlord goes to Taylor's First Baptist also and she is truly a lovely woman! The square footage is just right. About 1150 sq. ft. plus the side and front porches. There's also a shed out back for extra storage. The attic seems to be enormous because it has at least 3 windows, but the hole getting up there is so small and is without a ladder that it discourages us from trying to use it at this point. Mercy's room is great!!! It was literally very cathartic to finally put her pre-Katrina nursery back together, only this room has more than twice the space and all her grown up girl furniture is in there too! I even left room for her soon to be acquired Christmas present. A kitchen! I can't wait to show pics, but still...no mac. Waiting till Jason has a salaried job and until the new models come out in January and the old models go on sale.
While Jason was finishing up his job in B'ham, my mom and I were working feverishly on putting this little house together! We've got curtains up everywhere but the kitchen. We put together furniture and hung pictures. Mercy's room is the only one just completely done, but everything else is close (except the decoration or the kitchen).
Our Christmas tree is up and honestly looks magical. It is a bright green tinsel tree, and when we took it out of the package, we thought it might look a bit like a tree out of a Dr. Seuss book, but after decorated and lit, it is fantastic! Seriously, none of our trees have ever seemed this pretty! Of course Mercy prefers undecorating it rather than decorating!
On the mood homefront, I'm positive. That's something if you ask me. Through this enormous process I've had some moments when I felt overwhelmed and little weepy, but they came and went swiftly! All in all, the medicine helps, the family helps, the newness helps, the house space helps, the church family helps. I feel safe here, more secure than before.
Me and God are still working things out. I mean, well I'm not sure exactly what I mean, but I know that we are communicating again. I'm in His word more than before, but not like I ought to be. I have a lot of excuses--legitimate ones--but that's all they are is excuses. I will get there. If I've learned anything in my short life thus far, it's that all of this is a process. My end is already secure, so the journey is what matters most at this point.
Am I tired? Oh Yeah Baby! But what mother of a rambunctious 17 month old isn't tired?! She is a handful! Her favorite word right now is No. She tests and defies us constantly and we are trying to stay in charge equally as constantly. It's tough parenting. But I know that consistency pays off. Mercy is so tall and sooo smart! She's an extremely verbal girl. She said "you" today and "diaper" and something else that I don't remember and these are just the new words. She uses her signs all the time--we need to learn more! It's amazing! I think she'll be ready to potty train for sure by 2 years! Won't that be fantastic!
She's been cutting a new molar. This is the first in her second set. It's been miserable! Mostly teething has been no big deal, but not in this case! She's been ornary and she points to it and says ouch! She will hardly eat anything! The not eating thing bugs me the most. But I know it will pass.
Sorry for such a long update, but it's been long overdue. Without our computer, I'm guessing I won't be able to be as consistent as I was in the past, but I will definatley try! Much love to you all. More later!
Well, still no computer. I'm borrowing Jason's computer from work. The update begins thus... we've had interesting health issues going on in our house. Mercy got 104.1 fever at midnite Monday morning! Believe me, I was scared. Sure enough, we went to the Doctor the next day and were there for over 2 hours. We took numerous tests to find out that all they could determine is that she was fighting off something. Of course, we were concerned about missing halloween and such. But, yesterday, she was delightful! no fever and no medicine!
Jason had a fever today too. Not more than 100 though.
My health has been back and forth. I had an awful headache half the day today that didn't go away with medicine. I've been battling rotten headaches for over a week. I also had stomach issues today, but I'm hoping that it was just from dinner last night. I'm also trying to determine how I'm doing as far as depression and meds go. Not sure though what is meds and what is depression and what is just health things. I'll be meeting with the Dr. though next week.
On a more fun note...halloween was great! I've never seen such an adorable pink poodle! I can't wait to post some pics when we get a computer. Mercy had a ball learning to knock on doors, digging through bowls of candy, picking flowers, petting cats, playing with balls, and blowing kisses and saying thank you and bye bye. We went in a circle around the neighborhood at night, and went around at Jason's work during the day. The two best things for Mercy were suckers and one lady who offered books instead of candy. Mercy simply sat down in front of the box and started digging through. She got three books, two about dogs, and Snow White. Having a child is so lovely and rewarding!
Still no Mac. Insurance is going to help replace it which is really nice. We'll see how that all turns out. So my computer time has been limited. That's ok though cause I haven't been feeling really well. I've been battling headaches for at least 5 days. I'm not sure why, but sometimes they are nauseating. They are not immensely painful (like sharp) but they are dull and consistent and annoying and debilitating. Aleve and sleep seems to help though. So, off and on, I haven't felt like interacting much.
Mercy, Jason, and I went to the Carnival at the local church. It was covered with people and the air conditioning wasn't sufficient, and Mercy did not like the hat for her outfit. It was a little overwhelming and I felt like we just got in and out and did what we needed to have the "experience" for Mercy. Hopefully, Tuesday's trick or treating around to our neighbors will be better and more relaxed.
Still figuring out what's going on with me. Exhaustion, definately...poor sleep. No more days of crying though. That's something.
Well, our beloved Mac finally died. We've had it for three years and its been through the ringer and back. A new computer has been a long time coming in our household. So, for now I am using Jason's work computer in the evening when he brings it home. That's all I get, so I won't be as consistent in returning emails and/or blogging
We had a memorable and wonderful weekend as a family! We did the pumpkin patch thing and a lot of relaxing, cooking, ice cream getaways and such! Mercy won't remember it in the long run, but it was cathartic for Jason and I. I'll post pics eventually due to the new computer arrangement. We are going to wait a few weeks to replace it.
For all of you wondering how I'm doing. Much better. Alot of talking and real communicating going on in our house, not to mention the meds. I'm not nauseous anymore, so that has subsided. Still alot of work to be done, but I'm aware of that. That's the best update I can give...Mercy has an ear infection and we are going to the Dr. tomorrow to make sure it's really gone. I'm not so sure. We may be up for round two of antibiotics. She's still digging in her ears, but she is in a much better mood. I'll take the better mood Mercy anyday. Of course she is cutting two more molars!!! Ah...motherhood.
Everyone should have a sister. More so, every girl should have a sister. I know some of you don't have a biological sister, but then there are those other women in your life that might as well be your sisters. Those count too. I picked this topic for many reasons. The most important reason is that it is my sister in law, Shelby's birthday! Happy Birthday Sis! Some people's in laws are not their favorite, but this is not so in my life. God blessed me with the opportunity to get to know Shelby by making her my neighbor for 6 months and on top of that we are figuring out this new motherhood thing together. Our kids, the cousins, are only 3 months apart. She's a sister, and a friend and so I pay tribute to her on her special day! Everybody check out her blog at stonesmom.blogspot.com She really takes awesome pics!
Then there's my meredith. She can really light up a room. Things aren't all peachy for her right now, but that's ok. That's kinda part of life. Still, listening to her process and learn reminds me that I ought to be doing the same. I always enjoy spending time with her, even though sometimes I just can't find the right words...that's when singing Indigo Girls always wins out. We make a great pair musically!
I've got a few others that I consider sisters...There is my sister in law Connie. I feel like we are on a different plane simply because of our age difference, but most of the time that doesn't matter. I always enjoy spending time with her. She's positive and encouraging and beautiful inside and out.
Alyson, whom I've blogged about on numerous occasions has made as big an impact on my life as any! I miss having her closer, but I'm always excited about what God is doing in and around her! She is a breath of fresh air!
Lacey, whome I may or may not have blogged about is a surprise sister. I never thought that she would be one of the few that I kept up with over the years! I'm not really good at keeping up with anyone! But she never let me go. Through many, many, many moves she's found me, tracked me down, kept me in contact. She is a true friend and one I really need and love right now.
Thanks to all my family and pseudo-family. With your help I'm pulling through.
9 am appointment confirms a flaming red left ear. Poor baby. Yeah it was a bit of a rough night, and she's still taking that morning nap, and heaven forbid I wake her. So I'm relaxing for a moment, not knowing what "mood" she'll be in when she wakes. My day has been ok. a little nausea, but I started the whole dose last night on my meds, so what do i expect. Time for lunch. Check in later.
Wouldn't you know...I didn't even realize it was the 13th till I was laying in bed after I thought I had put Mercy to bed. Sure enough, she was having trouble getting comfortable, I think cause of her ear. I tried to call the Doc, but they don't schedule appts. till the morning of on Saturdays. Yuck. So, I'm pretty sure I'm in for a long night, and long day tomorrow since Jason will be gone most of the day. Hopefully, the Doc will agree that she indeed does have an ear infection otherwise this is all in vain.
I'm calling it now. I think Miss Mercy is working on an ear infection! I gave her a decongestant to see if that will help. There is definately fluid in her ear. Left one. We'll see, and I sure hope I'm wrong, cause that is miserable. That said, today was pretty good. She has been slightly fussy off and on and hasn't taken much for naps, but I got a shower and dried my hair, and that's something. We went out to eat and took our time. I thought of it like when my mom used to take me to lunch in New Orleans. No rush, just being together. Then we went to the zoo and saw the monkeys and the elephants. She started throwing a fit at the cheetahs so we packed it up and went home. She fell asleep on the way. Didn't sleep more than an hour though. When she woke, she was fussy and digging in that ear, so we took some medicine and rocked for awhile. Now she is in her bed wanting out, so I'd better go tend to her. Don't want her to get too fussy. Wish me luck!
Well, I haven't said this in a while, but today was a good day. It didn't start out so great. Mercy was irritable and whiney, but I just rocked her back to sleep at about 8am and let her sleep till she woke up at about 9:15am. Then she was much better, so I went ahead and took her to MDO. That freed me up to do a whole lot. I took care of an insurance thing Jason asked me to do. I checked on our previous van account to make sure it had been paid off then cancelled the auto pay. I closed out our credit card account (after much haggling). I mailed in a deposit to hold our rental house. I checked to make sure my MDO payment was recieved and turned in Mercy's updated shot record. I went grocery shopping, unloaded the car, and grabbed pizza to eat before picking Mercy up from MDO. Then down for a nap--both of us--around 1:45pm. Mercy didn't sleep as long as I anticipated, so at 3:15 via stroller, Mercy and I hand delivered mail to Sheila at the clubhouse. Then we strolled back home to get in the car and do pick up and pay day at Kids Market. There wasn't much left and I made what I spent, so on the way home I deposited the check and stopped at the drugstore to pick up what I couldn't get at Wal-mart. They were having the flu shot as well, so I went ahead and got mine. Finally, we got home to find Jason already there.
I didn't think the day would be this productive. It was a slow start for sure. I was feeling very unmotivated, but once I got to going, I just kept the momentum up. In addition to all of that huge to do list, I did 3 or 4 loads of laundry and filled the car up with gas. And mercy was a delight the rest of the day!
Thank you Lord! I know I am not capable of all of this without your hand being on me today. You knew I needed a day that made me feel both capable and adequate. Thank you.
Mercy and I have been away a while. Like always, I brought her back with some illness. Stone had a cold and I believe Mercy has it now. On top of that unpleasantness, she had her MMR today at her 15month check up. Whew! When I say she was fussy, that's only because there are no real words to describe it. I haven't had an entire day with her like this since she was 4 or 5 months. There were days then that we spent most of the day in the rocking chair, but she won't let that happen anymore. 2 things...if all else fails, stand in front of the fan and/or go outside. We did both of those today, more than once.
The house looked like a tornado came through and it's a miracle that I got any food on the table, but all is quiet for the moment. My only prayer is that Mercy will be well enough to make it to Mother's Day Out tomorrow. I've got to get to the store and do loads of laundry and cleaning...I'm starving! I barely sat to eat my meal tonite for feeding Mercy and her fussing and such! I feel like I ate enough, but I also feel very hungry. Popcorn usually hits the spot, but not tonight.
I'll deal with that in a minute. Just wanted to update those who actually read this, I didn't make it to my counselor because I ended up going out of town early due to some family of origin issues. I did make it to the doctor and have started the zoloft regimen. I'm on day 3 of the first 4 of 1/2 dose, then on to the full dose. I felt nauseous today at one point which was strange. I figured either the pill or hunger, or the combination. We'll see. I felt weepy at times today, but it was like I was out of tears. I thought that was odd to have the feeling without the tears. I held it together pretty well as far as patience with Mercy in the midst of an awful day for her. I was pleasantly surprised by my calmness.
Well, those are my stay at home mom accomplishments today. Tomorrow, I hope to have more tangible results...making various calls, going to the store, making dinner, doing laundry, unpacking suitcases...No, I don't expect to get it all done, though it would be nice. More later
There is a poignant image that for whatever reason just came to mind and became our motto of sorts during Katrina. We--as a family--were basically like settlers going out together into uncharted territory. We needed to "circle the wagons" together if any of us were going to have the best chance at survival not to mention thriving.
Well, surviving is all I have been doing...all I'm still doing. I did not make it through today without crying. In fact, I had tons of help with Mercy today and found myself alone in the car with my own choice of music and volume. And, though I loved it in so many ways, I found myself still feeling so overwhelmed. About what in particular, I have no idea. I was thinking tonight about why it is that I am so depressed. I feel no need to be, I know I'm blessed and though I've been through an amazing amount of stress...I've done that before too. I don't know honestly. That counselors appt. I was going to today was rearranged, so it didn't happen. I will make sure something happens soon though. It's the only way I can make through all that is coming up in our lives.
Today we circled the wagons again and caravanned our way from AU to South Carolina. That was a little overwhelming for me cause I have nearly no energy as it is and Mercy sleeping in my room for the past 3 nights has led to very little sleep. But, I am here at my parents house and there is a sense that rest is coming. I am weepy...most of the afternoon and evening actually, but ambien is calling so I should sleep like a rock hopefully. There's always the hope that tomorrow will be better...something to look forward to.
I'm helping someone clean out there office. I've never done this before, but we chose to go at night to avoid confrontation and in essence save a great deal of time and energy, and to have peace and quiet for speed and concentration. I'm actually out without Mercy which makes this little venture twice as exciting. So I feel like I'm in some movie where we are sneaking in at night trying to find some file we're not supposed to have, you know. So many movies have that same scene. Hopefully for our sake no one will interrupt and it will feel like a successful venture. Really though, we are just cleaning out an office of a no longer employee that hated the job as it were. This should be sort of a celebration and I asked this person if they wanted their picture taken so that this could be remembered, but they declined politely. Oh well. Everyone knows an end is almost always a beginning, and I thought it might be nice to document it, but alas...our memories will have to do.
Actually, my belly is stuffed and my eyes are heavy. I'm blogging whilst the other is organizing files or something. I hope to go home and get ready for bed so that I can just crawl into it. The last two nights have not been great. Mercy has chosen on both occasions to have difficulty really going to sleep. Thus, both nights she has thrown a royal fit--hysterical crying and breathing. Nothing you do helps, so that she just tuckers herself out. Amazing huh?! So of course, I'm more than tired. I'm praying tonight is better. I sense that she knows her daddy is not nearby and that she knows there is tension and unrest with the rest of us. Not sleeping isn't helping any of us, and we all have a long caravan ride to Greenville, SC tomorrow.
On a way cooler note, WE SOLD OUR VAN TODAY! Finally after nearly a month or more of trying, we sold our van. Now we have one less debt and one less payment per month! That really takes a huge financial load off. I still have to try to remember to pay Touro for Mercy's birth. That is the one thing that I forgot today. Then we will have no debt other than our SBA disaster release loan at 2.6% over 30 years, so we will be in a very healthy financial situation. Woohoo! One less hurdle for such an exhausted person to jump.
Emotional update: Still very blah. Not much feeling going on. I sense that sheer exhaustion has overridden every other emotion. I haven't cried today...at least not yet and that's something. It's been a long while since I've had a tear free day. Yippee!
My husband is a doll. I've been drowning in this depression for a good little while and he really didn't see. I don't know if it was because he was self consumed or because I really didn't want to bother him with it--you know bring him down in the process, but God really knit us together in an amazing way. I asked you guys to wish me luck as I was going to try to bring it all home for him about how awful and bad off I really was. I didn't have to try really hard. He understood and he told me how valuable I was to him. In more ways than one, he made it clear that he truly loved me and didn't ever want to even think about living without me. You have no idea how long it had been since I felt truly valuable to him--deeply cherished and loved. Ironically, he told me that next day that he felt like we were honeymooners again (newlyweds, I think), that we were doing something crazy together and I was being lovey again. That's when I told him that he made me feel valuable. I truly knew that he loved me and that made me feel a little more like myself, a little more "lovey." Truly, while I'm away I've missed him more than usual. I want to be near him and experience this 2nd honeymoon phase. I love him in so many different ways that I can't wait to get back home. But that'll be a while. See you soon, love, and do great on your next test!
Since the hurricane I have lost my sense of home. I think I may have blogged about this before. I have thought alot about my safe place, my sense of home over the last couple of weeks. All I can come up with is that home is where you feel safe. I don't know why I feel safe wherever my family of origin is, but it is true. When I go to Greenville, I always just want to stay there. Not without my own family of course. I couldn't live well without them, but the truth is that right now I'm not living well with them. I balled my eyes out off and on for 2 hours today and my husband never sees that. How could he...he's busy at work and then by the time he gets home, I usually feel a bit better, both cause he's finally home and also cause someone can help take the load off with my Mercy responsibilities. I need his help, but he doesn't seem to see the extent of my need. I think I'm going to try to communicate it all more clearly this weekend. Wish me luck.
