Monday, September 25, 2006


Why the question mark...Oh because I just don't know! That's a quote from the movie "Monster in-law". That is how I feel today. It seems as though my inside feelings are moving around inside me like waves on the sea shore. Things seemed average, pleasant even, but my patience I found, is rather short today. Now, while Mercy is asleep I find I'm sad and even teary. Slight relief has come, but my fear is that it's only temporary. I have no idea!

Clearly, I need to see a therapist or something, so Jason is coming home with that info today. And not a moment too soon. Helpfully, Jason and I have had some meaningful conversation this weekend, so I don't feel quite so isolated. He sweetly said that if I wanted or needed it, he would move us closer to my Family of Origin. I thought that was sweet and sacrificial, but I don't know if that's necessary. I can't just run away or run to my parents everytime things just aren't quite right for me. Clearly there is more to all this than that. I am not unhappy with living here. That isn't really it. In fact, I'm not sure what "it" is. It's a good chance that it has to do with having no support system around me. But it's like I'm paralyzed at recreating that system. I love where we live, the house and the neighbors are great and my schedule is nice to. My family is not too far and I can get away pretty much whenever I like. So, I don't know.


Lacey said...

Believe it or not, I feel the same way and I have family here. But, I miss friends, good ones, wink, wink. Let's chat soon, I could use a good cry with an old friend.