Sunday, April 06, 2008

Relationally Inept!

Seriously...I don't wanna sound like a school girl, but as out going as I social as I am and extroverted, I still find it hard to make friends. I'm not talking about the kind of friends that you see once a week and like and find things in common. I can claim many of those. I'm talking about the kind where you actually wanna play catch up on the history and past of the person to see how they came to be as they are today. I'm talking about the kind of friend that laughs and cries in the same conversation. The one that can talk about important things, vulnerable things, and then nothing all at the same time. The one that you have a hard time hanging up on the phone with.

No I'm not trying to date this person...but I suppose all relationships do have similarities. We all have our trials and tests that we put people through to see where they fall in our little world. I'm not saying you don't befriend someone cause they don't meet your standards, but the counselor in me knows a good bit about safe people and healthy relationships and there are different levels of intimacy for different kinds of friends.

I am, I'll admit, giddy at even the idea or possibility that I might have a new friend. Now things are still new and I'm sure that the friendship will evolve as time is spent together, but I spent over an hour on the phone with my new gal pal and could have kept talking. AND we are supposed to get together tomorrow as well for a play date.

We aren't the same, though things in our life make us laugh at similarities. But I find her easy to be with and talk to. She is new and therefore safer considering all the harmful relational things I've been through in the past 3 yrs with Katrina, moving, moving again and again, trying to rebuild, my fathers forced termination and various levels of rejections surrounding that. It is nice to have freshness. I need a friend. A good one that I can call in a pinch. One that would do the same. Who doesn't need one really...but with all the life change that seems to never end in my life, it seems I've been unable to secure one of those kind of friends for years.

God has his ways...I will continue to pray. In a funny way I'm very cautious. I don't want to be too excited by the mirage in the desert, but I also don't want to be a cynic! May God help me balance emotional things in my life as I am well aware that I'm pregnant and will have a hard enough time doing that.