Monday, May 22, 2006

Water's Edge

"Come and listen. Come to the water's edge all you who know and fear the Lord. Come and listen. Come to the water's edge all you who are thirsty. Let me tell you what he has done for me, he has done for you, he has done for us. Praise our God for He is good! Come and listen. Come and listen to what He has done."

As I was on my way home from work last night (alone which is rare), this song began to play. I had heard it maybe a few times, but it had been quite a while at that. It gripped me...enough to eject my husband's CD and take it in so I could further inspect this song. Sure enough, I woke up early this morning with no desire to return to sleep. I peeked in on Mercy (my daughter) who was sleeping soundly though upside down. I covered you up a bit with a blanket, and then headed downstairs. I wasn't hungry and my husband in all his kindness, cleaned up last night, so there was no busyness to attend to. So, I sat in my favorite chair with Jason's ipod, found that song, and listened. His bible was laying out from where he had obviously been reading it last night after I had gone to bed, so I though why not.

Now this is not the first time I've picked up the book. At minimum I have a masters degree from a Baptist Seminary, but it's been a while. Yesterday in church I was thinking about the reason that I felt as if God were there but silent. Honestly in my mind's eye he was hovering over me observing with his arms folded and absolutely not participating. Now I know that is how some believe that God works (or doesn't). But I traditionally believe that He is very involved if not responsible for the goings and comings of everyday in everyway. However, it has felt as if He had removed His hand from such things in my life at least for a time. I knew He was there, but He seemed uninvolved, uninterested. So, I was pondering how that could be. I wondered if I might be mad at God after all I had been through. I wondered a lot of things actually until I came to the realization that I'm not mad, I'm indifferent. No maybe scared. It's truly as if I've been ignoring, avoiding God because I am afraid of what He'll say or do next.

I find all of this a little strange, because logically I think, how much worse could it get than where I've been? I know that God is not out to get me or my family. In fact, it is more likely that God wishes to bless us tremendously and yet I'm trying to avoiding doing my part. God gives generously, but He also asks of us our participation. And I am tired, weary even. I am not very interested in further change. So, I think these are the reasons why God has seemed indifferent.

So I'm sitting in my favorite chair with my new found friend, this lovely song worded above, and I just listen (as the song says) to God. Now I don't hear God audibly, but it might as well be because usually if He is speaking to me that "still small voice" is pretty clear. This morning, he gave to me Chronicles. Whenever I'm picking up the bible for the first time in a while, I find it difficult to know where to start. So today, I started in Chronicles. I thought it odd to start in an Old Testament book, but as soon as I found it, I didn't think it odd anymore. Sure enough, I opened it to chapter 15 where David is organizing the return of the Ark of the Covenant (significantly the presence of God). The whole thing was done so precisely and yet with such excitement and jubilee! So I'm listening to this song (above) on repeat and here are the words that I read, "Give thanks to the Lord, call on his name; make known among the nations what he has done. Sing to him, sing praise to him; tell of all his wonderous acts. Glory in his holy name; let the hearts of those who seek the lLord rejoice. Look to the Lord and his strength; seek his face always...Praise be to the Lord, the God of Israel, from everlasting to everlasting. Then all the people said Amen and Prase the Lord."

Needless to say I got the connection. Church, the questions, the song, His word. God worked today even if this moment is all my feeble mind can grasp today. He was present and active--and so was I even if the steps were small. I have come to the water's edge.


Alyson Roth said...

Oh Gini! My heart bleeds and cries for you as I read of your anguish during YOUR time of need. Oh, how I wish I were there to hold your hand, to wipe away the tears, and listen to your confusion as you did for me. Your thinking during this season is not strange at all. I have been there, and sometimes I continue to return to that place of indifference. As we get older, it's harder to have that uninhibited joy and pureness that we did when we were younger. Perhaps it's that we have more responsibilties, more obligations in our life and somehow we forgot to include Jesus in it all.

I miss you so much my dear friend. You will remain in my prayers at night, at the forefront of my mind in the morning, and in my thoughts throughout the entire day. Remember, it's not the destination that is the only thing of imporance. Sometimes it's the journey that makes the destination that much sweeter. I love you, and I'm always here for you!!

Jules_85 said...

Hey! Thanks for the comment... If you read everything, you'll see what a rough year I've had. Don't get me wrong. I'm happy and all, but I think a lot of it has to do with me being homesick... It's been almost a year the 27th, which is also sort of our 1 year anniversary... We count it from the day I got here so... We'll see what happens...