Friday, May 12, 2006


At what point do dreams have to give way to reality, actuality? I was confronted with the question yesterday, "is there a passion or dream that you have not pursued for fear or any other reason". I had to honestly answer yes. The irony is that I would never have admitted this in the past and people would never have guessed, but I have avoided certain situations that may have led to further success for fear of rejection. That is not the only fear I have in regards to my dream. My dream, you see, is to be a professional performer, to do what I love and was made for as my career, my income. I sing, but I would venture to say that is not all. I worship and lead worship, and feel whole and complete when doing so. I don't believe that God gives you gifts so you can bury them.

This dream is no new thing to me. It has been around for decades. Yet my job right now is bringing up my daughter, Mercy and keeping a neat house (the latter of which I'm not so good at). I must say that it is not so outwardly glamorous a job. My other fear is not of failure or rejection, but actually the fear of success. So what if I do become "famous" per se? What will happen to my priorities, my family? I've seen so many relationships go bad because of the stresses of the biz. I don't want that.

So where are the battle lines? How far do I go to follow my dreams, and where do I sacrifice for my family? This is the never ending tug which I tune out and ignore so that I don't have to make any decisions. I believe they call that denial and it can't last forever, but honestly the problem might solve itself in this case if it's left long enough. So, still I wait and lie dormant, possibly stagnant until I'm ready for God to really deal with me.


Meredith Peel said...

If you get famous, you can hire me for a Nanny ;-)